trying to create motivation

for literally 8 months i have not taken poker very serious, this is something that is unacceptable anymore. i have not had a losing month in that timeframe, but a few months the results were laughable. i have not used the resources that are available to me, i have been playing without stats on players and having to rely on remembering without it. The amount of hands that i play on any given day makes it nothing short of retarded to not use what i need.
first thing is first i am going to buy a program called holdem manager, its a computer program that will tell me how players are playing. anything from how often they open pots, to how aggressive, passive, pretty much anything i need to know it will give to me while i am playing. the stats overlay of the players name on the table. once you learn how to read the information your edge on beating the other players increases tremendously. i have probably lost alot of money on decisions past few months but just not having that alone.
today during the day is when im going to start the grind. i am going to start at playing 1/2, i feel like im degrading myself to this since there is no reason for to ever have to play at that level again but due to my lack of respect for the dollar i am going to do this. i am going to sit at 8-12 tables at time with $200 at each one and grind out 3000 hands, i am going to try and do this everyday. it will only take me about 3-4 hours, never more then 4. when i think about this, if i worked 8 hour days like a normal person my job seems fairly simple. unfortunatly its not as easy as it seems, making poor decisions is something that you just cannot do if you are going to be a profitable player. i am going to put $10,000 into this account and go from there. the first month is going to by far be the slowest moving. i am not going to play 2/4 until i have reached $25,000. this is when my jumps will be significantly higher since the stakes double in size. when i make my jump if i ever dip below $20,000 i will be dropping back down to 1/2 until i get back to $25,000. eventually i will make it happen at 2/4 and be on my way. i am then going to grind out 2/4 until i reach $65,000, this may take sometime, the players arent as bad as they used to be and the swings are high at times. when i reach that goal i am going to play 3/6 and see how the games are. it might be more profitable to stay at 2/4, reason being is because there are more players at that level and that means more people who arent very good. from that point on i will use good game selection and only be in games where i think i have a slight edge. in order for that im going to have to seek out bad players at the table on only focus on them for most part.
this is something i should have done a long time ago, i have probably played over a million hands of poker and pretty much know what to do without even really thinking about it most the time. my biggest downfall when it comes to poker is my lack of respect for a dollar, there have been plenty of times where i would spew lots of money knowing it was wrong to just "gamble". another big thing that is a problem with lots of players is "tilting", this happens when you are running bad and leads to bad play. there is nothing more gratifying to a poker player to be crushing a guy and have him on tilt, its like taking candy from a baby. this is something i cannot do, if i even feel like i playing bad for an extended period of time i am going to quit and play again later.
everyday that i play i am going to post my results on this blog, how much i win or lose how many hands and post a few significant hands i felt i either fucked up at or feel i played well, there will be plenty of them everyday. i take lots of pride in not making mistakes but i do it all the time, hopefully with reviewing what i am doing, i will improve a great amount. this is something i have never done, i have alwyas just played quit and not really thought about it later. this challenge is going to make me a better player no doubt about that.